Myself and the Community | #1

8:57 PM Eunnah 0 Comments


An experience is an enchanting thing.

As I read this line, at this very moment, each passing second adds up to the records of my personal experiences; my own story; my own history. And just like any other stories and histories, I believe that experiences are also categorized in different genres and seasons, respectively.

There are some experiences that are seemingly insignificant; events that I barely noticed, I couldn't even remember they actually happened. And then, there are some events in my life that are too embarrassing to share, but too valuable to forget. Lastly, there are those horrible incidents that I tried to distort in my mind, leading me to believe the illusion that those events didn't happen, or at least, happened differently. But late at night, when I was all alone, it wasn't just those events that had left me breathless, awake, and miserable. It was because of the lie that at some point, actually became the truth to me.

The weight of every happening in my life differs. The same applies to everyone else. It's a universal thing. Some experiences cut deep, others scratch, while most do nothing at all. Regardless of that, one thing is for sure: everything matters. Everything is relevant.

You might not agree with me. It's okay. Sometimes, I don't agree with myself either. But let me ask you to stop, and breathe for a minute. Think about the time when you have spent an hour or so watching the television. It was an experience; a rather irrelevant one, you may say. But have you ever wondered what would have happened if you did something productive, other than watching TV? Have you thought about the effect of what you have watched to your mental or emotional state? Have you ever wondered what things you "might" have accomplished then? Maybe now, you should be done with your pending responsibilities. Perhaps what you have watched has changed your perspective on important matters. Or maybe instead of six hours of sleep, you had seven. You never knew, and you will never know, because it already happened. It's in the past.

You see, every experience in our life equates to a single domino. Put together, they can easily influence or impact another experience, one way or another. So it doesn't really matter whether one experience was dull, or breathtaking. It all boils down to the connection that binds them. You can't single out an experience from the others. It doesn't work that way.

From the "Psychodynamic Perspective" of Psychology, it was said that who you are now is an accumulation of your past. For those who have built a great foundation in their early years, this is good news to them. But for those who aren't proud of their actions, this is disheartening.

I belong in that latter group. I used to regret. I used to weep at night crying out to God the question why?

"Why did certain encounters have to happen?" "Why did I have to deal with these challenges?" "Why did I have to be so stupid?" "Why didn't God guide me?" And then soon enough, the most fundamental question hit me: "Why me?"

These open-ended questions have bothered me for a long time. I haven't necessarily found an answer to those questions, but the words that was revealed to me later in my life was more than enough to keep me going:


I wasn't a fan of taking a peek at my history. I wasn't the person who likes to look back on personal experiences, and remember the struggles or the achievements. I tend to look forward, and not backwards. I'd rather take a look at a blank canvas, than stress myself by interpreting a messy abstract painting. But in order to make the selfie cube last August 21, I had no choice but to take a ride on a nostalgic trip.

 I admit, at first it felt uncomfortable and awkward. But soon enough, it felt refreshing and great. I realized how blessed I am to have gone through a lot of challenges in order to be the defined person that I am now. I know it may sound twisted, but I'm quite proud to have a tainted story to look back on. Because if not for that, I wouldn't be able to write "Nothing is impossible with God!" on one side of the selfie cube.

Reflecting last Monday was truly a healthy experience. For me, reflecting is an exercise of the mind. When we think, there is action going on in our head, which tones and defines our inner being. As a future teacher, it's important for me to assess myself as early as now, and recognize my strengths and limitations in every aspect. So that in the future, I may be able to fulfill my primary task: to help children with special needs and all kids in general, reach their full potential.

An undeserving mess of a person, loved by the One who made all things possible.

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