I Choose To Live
I felt the agitation flowing through my veins as the tension arose and burned in the soggy air. Butterflies filled my twisting belly as my mind heaved in anticipation. It was overwhelming. I sensed the apprehension of other wide-eyed high school students who were struggling for the same dream that I desire. It was palpable. That Sunday afternoon, marks the most significant time when we were all hurling ourselves against the arduous barricade guarding our entrance to the premier university in the Philippines—theUPCAT.
We all long for a better future, we all dream for a better life. To put it simply, every single one of us during that time was a mere traveller. All of us are taking up the same journey, aiming for the same destination. Like all travellers, we encompassed different preparations that all gave birth to various outcomes. Some of us were armed to the teeth with weapons of stock knowledge while some come with wisdom tucked under their belts. Regardless of the firepower we used as a form of attack, no one is rest assured that he or she will reach the destination pursued.
Getting through the prominent door of UP that thousands of Filipinos are vying to enter was my ultimate dream once I started having a conscious mind of that of someone who is intellectually ready, aware and concerned of what the future may bring. I told myself that once I enter UP, my life will be settled and I will not ask for more. I proved myself wrong. Now that I have reached the destination while currently living in it, I realized that it is not enough. It will never be enough. One dream will just lead to another with the latter being bigger and brighter than the former.
Some elderly people might say that by this time, surely I should be able to see a clearer and more concrete picture of my future. But that’s the thing. One cannot say that he or she is closer to the future because the future has no end at all. It has no limit. Therefore, it cannot be finalized. It can take you wandering endlessly on a heap of possibilities and norms the society has established, keeping you relentlessly striving in a sea filled with various opportunities based primarily on the future.
Life has become the future. Every moment of our lives is lived for the future. From the moment we were born, we were trained and honed to live for it. The first formal step our feet dared to delve onto without further ado is studying. From there, a dream to graduate is constructed in order to have a job to support the family you dream to build. Primarily, to be able to send your kids in school and repeat the same things you did growing up. Life has become a cycle for the future; A pattern in which we cannot escape from.
I do believe in school and jobs. I believe in the future. Why would I write this required paper to earn a grade if I do not value and uphold my future? The thing is, I have had enough of living my life for the future. All my life, I have been constantly dreaming, lost in the sea of investing for the impending events that I forgot to wake up. I realized that I was too busy dreaming to actually wake up, value life for what it is and live.
I do not intend to escape from the standard the society has provided. But I am sure as hell that I do not want to pursue a dream just because the society has agreed upon it. It is like living up to someone else’s expectations. I do not want to be like one of those paper people living in this world; burning the future to stay warm. I dream to live life for what it is, value the abstract and not the paper ones for those are the things that matter. And I do; because right now?
I choose to live.
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