Hooray for my first The Sunday Currently! A series where I/we blog about mundane things I/we currently do.

Read on, if you're bored. Haha.

Reading
A Thousand Pieces of You. It’s been a while since the last book I’ve put down so I’m trying my best to get back on track as I continue to juggle the debut planning and my other responsibilities.

Eating
M&m’s. I can feel my cavity-filled tooth aching and I know I should stop eating sweets but.. how can I say no to chocolate?

Listening
to random Christian songs. I’m hunting appropriate music for my debut so I’m currently on a music downloading spree. Mostly, I want the playlist on my debut to consist of Christian songs.

Smelling
the tension-filled air. I’m in a difficult situation right now wherein I want to curse my life and give up. But no. I won’t let Satan win another battle in a portion of aspect of my life.

Wishing
for time to take a break and rest so vacation can last a little longer.

Hoping
to finish my life projects (Tedious blueprint of Debut, list of subjects to enlist on 29) as soon as possible! I’m claiming it!

Wearing
le striped tee. I almost gave this shirt away as a freebie for fun. Good thing I didn’t.. or I won’t be wearing this today. Haha.

Loving
The Glass Garden! Aaah! Considering that it’s an indoor garden (perfect for the enchanted forest theme) with air-conditioning, a height-wise ceiling for draping and other designs,  a dramatic staircase leading to the venue,  it’s almost everything that I want! (Nothing’s perfect. I can find a flaw or two in any events venue but it’s the closest to what I’ve envisioned.)

Wanting
to dye my hair red so badly! But I’m afraid it would contradict my clothes/make up during the pre debut photoshoot.

Needing
to gain at least 9 pounds so my BMI would be normal! I’m underweight duh. Woohoo! Claiming this as well!

feeling
sooo tired. As I’m typing this, I can’t believe the time says 8:05 PM. My body is screaming midnight or so.

Hooray for my first The Sunday Currently! A series where I/we blog about mundane things I/we currently do.

Read on, if you're bored. Haha.

reading
The Book of Genesis. I decided to read the Bible correspondingly. In that manner, (1) I wouldn’t miss a single verse. (2) I wouldn’t have an excuse not to read the Book of Revelations. I kind of avoid that book as much as possible. Using that pabebe excuse of most Christians which is, “I’m not ready.”

eating
Kamote.(?) The orange-ish one. I’m aiming for a healthier wellbeing so I’m eating a whole lot of it—including its peel.

thinking
of someone I’ve been infatuated with; which I’m trying not to think about. I know I’m having a pretty bad job at it. And honestly speaking, I’m really, really trying not to think about that person. (Oh, Father, help me.)

smelling
My chemically saturated hair. I re-bleached and re-coloured my hair last Tuesday night. My hair smells not-like-my-hair. I half heartedly regret dyeing it. But then again, I can just grow it out if I want my natural locks back. On other note, I’m planning to dye the bleached parts at the back of my head red since I’m not really a fan of golden back highlights.
Credits to KM

wishing
for my height to increase. At least, grow an inch taller.

hoping
for good friends in Diliman? *sigh* I don’t know. I’m just trusting God’s plan in this.

wearing
my loose off-shoulder blouse which reaaally exposes my chest bones. Yikes.

loving
that little hope inside of me. It’s still there!

wanting
to hug someone I really miss, but can’t. Yup. Sad.

needing
to gain weight in a healthy manner. Seriously, you can’t distinguish my body from a broom. And considering that I’ll be in ball gowns for a night in a few months from now? (debut) This isn’t good at all. Also, as a consequence of being an underweight, I feel flimsy and lightweight all the time.

feeling
frail and dizzy. Like I’m drunk. (No I haven’t been drunk. It’s just an expression.)

Disclaimer: I know it should be ‘writing’ instead of ‘eating’. I replaced it because I think it would be more interesting.

These are grace filled phrases that the Father has revealed to me tonight! May these words that are processed on sticky notes, be forever stuck in my heart. 

Tonight’s revelation: “The good fight” // “Our Father, the Creator.”




I was struck with deep loneliness the moment I stepped inside my transient room. I am an introvert, I am used to being alone. I prefer to be because I find solitude in it. But in this particular moment, in this very particular place, I’d rather not. This is the place where I practice “being all alone” only in the bathroom. From the moment I wake up until I fall sleep, I am surrounded by people. Of course, we don’t usually show that we are sad when our friends are having a great time with us. Even though we’re depressed inside, we smile and laugh with them.
My friends aren’t here with me to laugh with.
I wasn’t here with them to pretend.
The first sentence that came out of my mouth that time was, “Tayong dalawa lang dito Lord, noh?” I smiled a bitter smile. I thought I was fine. I thought I was already secured. I was losing it, for the thousandth time again.
With the cold air matching how I feel, I broke down and cried.
While hugging my knees to my chest, I asked God to take away the pain, the shame. I don’t want it anymore.
Just then, I was reminded of the lyrics written by UNSPOKEN.

SOMETIMES PAIN’S THE ONLY WAY THAT WE CAN LEARN

I immediately opened my laptop. I wanted to hear it but I forgot the title of the song. So I just clicked on “Call It Grace” by the same band. I cried as I listen. Asking God over and over again to take away all of it. I can’t take this struggle anymore.
The next thing that happened completely blew me away. “The Good Fight” started playing which left me and my tears awestruck by just the verse.

KEEP FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT
KEEP LETTING YOUR LIGHT SHINE
‘CAUSE I’M NEVER GONNA LEAVE YOU
ALWAYS GONNA SEE YOU THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE
KEEP FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT

It was so surreal, it was like: it is God Himself who’s singing me the lyrics. It had me relishing the thought of His sweet, sweet voice telling me,
“You’ve fought the good fight. Job well done, my child.”
Isn’t it dreamy? He gave me new hope and strength to fight so that when it is all over, I’d look back and say, “It is all worth it.”
Right after that, I had the resolution to start reading the whole Bible from Genesis, a chapter at a time. Would you believe? Genesis 1 has struck me all the same.
The Lord reminded me of His sovereignty. His power over me, His creation. He has prepared the blueprint of my life even before I have inhaled my first breath. The battlefield where I am now, is planned. I just have to trust Him, my Creator, my Father. For I am His.

Heo 12:06 AM 7/14/2015

I’ve always been the rebellious child, the black sheep in the family. Even though I grew up alongside the rod, I let my mind exist in a space following no set of rules. I let my actions be a consolation for discipline but not a habit for character. Eventually, I don’t just follow half-heartedly. I follow with no heart at all because I use words instead of actions just for the sake of appeasement. I’m not talking about house chores here. I’m talking about life advices that your parents lay out for your soul to eat as you walk down the path of life.
Just like any other typical teenager, I enjoyed living a worldly life. Widely listening to popular songs and dressing up with respect to the latest fashion trend became my indulgence. Conformity came in handy as the flesh induces immoral pleasures. In a blink of an eye, I found my life focused on wicked treasures on earth. I can’t even believe I am a product of two Christian parents whose eyes are set on heavenly matters.
Nothing is heavenly in me.
In tactless words, I lived a sinful life. And I enjoyed it.
For countless times, I’ve disobeyed my parents. For some reason, I was angry. I hated life for what it is. But most of all, I was sad. I can feel a burning and searing hole in my chest. It’s like emptiness decided to take form physically. I know it’s discontentment that’s really consuming me. I couldn’t find my purpose at all. Worldly pleasure was like the temporary “filler” in that expanding hole of emptiness. What I didn’t realize sooner was the side effect that doubled the pain and made me more miserable than what I already am.
Pathetic, right?
(..To be continued.)